Scene in the pantry ….
Conversation in Hokkien and Mandarin..
A : “whose tongkat (walking stick) is this? Looking at B at the wash basin area. Yours ah, B?”
B: “Aiyo. Don’t simply talk. Chinese New Year coming. I want to wear short skirt n high heels wan ar…. ‘Choi! Tai Ka Lai Si!’ (means: bad luck to wish her using the stick).
Then there was silence…
B: It is Catherine’s.. I saw her use..
A: I ask only. How I know.
B: You simply talk. You die….
I stood up, took my walking stick and left…. didn’t want to know what else was said… There were 3 other ladies there.
My caliper was sent by my wonderful sister Bella to the city to get the screw replaced
How did I react, you might ask. Nothing. I just sat and let the conversation flow.
That is the model of their world. I am used to this already. Since young, I have been listening to such comments and some directed at me personally. It was hard to swallow when one was young and vulnerable; especially when one was searching for meaning of life and self identity. What more when one was searching and looking for self acceptance.
Yesterday, when that happened, I asked myself inside, “what am I feeling?” My reply was, “Nothing.” It just tells about what those 2 ladies’ thoughts were.
I had always been told to be sensitive of what others thought of me. My whole life was based on judgement of others until I wanted to kill myself for being so imperfect.
I was so frustrated until for a few years, I was so ill, I almost decided to live with such miserable fate. The calling within (Thank God), questioned if there were others who could live better than I could emotionally, mentally, I could too.
It was hard learning to be ‘thick skinned.’ Been shamed, ridiculed, laughed at, mocked at, the works, I just gave up fighting. In the end, I won. How? Well, trust your Calling Within.
That faithful inner self that is connected to our Maker.
Along the road of life, there were teachers, angels, mentors, strangers, situations to help me realised who I truly am and can be. My weakness became my strength.
With yesterday’s scene, some would tell me “Don’t be sensitive.” Or would just zip their mouth, afraid I might be mad or angry. I went home praying and telling myself, that’s who they are. FULL STOP.
Judging would not make a difference. Getting angry or upset will not do any good nor change the situation. Just let it be and let it go. They are my teachers.
I have learnt over the years to be compassionate, to have empathy, to be kind. Hey, I am no angel because, I tend to judge others too at times.
Yesterday taught me and reminded me not to judge others as I would also be judged.
This is one portion of what my life is all about and also the type of people I am surrounded with in this world. The colour characters of human beings. Self acceptance and its imperfections play a very vital role in my life.
I am grateful for the lessons yesterday! I did find it amusing too.. 😛
WWYD if it happened to you?
I welcome comments and feedback.