Advice from an 80 year old man.

What beautiful Life Lessons these are –
1. Have a firm handshake.
2. Look people in the eye.
3. Sing in the shower.
4. Own a great stereo system.
5. If in a fight, hit first and hit hard.
6. Keep secrets.
7. Never give up on anybody. Miracles happen everyday.
8. Always accept an outstretched hand.
9. Be brave. Even if you’re not, pretend to be. No one can tell the difference.
10. Whistle.
11. Avoid sarcastic remarks.
12. Choose your life’s mate carefully. From this one decision will come 90 per cent of all your happiness or misery.
13. Make it a habit to do nice things for people who will never find out.
14. Lend only those books you never care to see again.
15. Never deprive someone of hope; it might be all that they have.
16. When playing games with children, let them win.
17. Give people a second chance, but not a third.
18. Be romantic.
19. Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.
20. Loosen up. Relax. Except for rare life-and-death matters, nothing is as important as it first seems.
21. Don’t allow the phone to interrupt important moments. It’s there for our convenience, not the caller’s.
22. Be a good loser.
23. Be a good winner.
24. Think twice before burdening a friend with a secret.
25. When someone hugs you, let them be the first to let go.
26. Be modest. A lot was accomplished before you were born.
27. Keep it simple.
28. Beware of the person who has nothing to lose.
29. Don’t burn bridges. You’ll be surprised how many times you have to cross the same river.
30. Live your life so that your epitaph could read, No Regrets
31. Be bold and courageous. When you look back on life, you’ll regret the things you didn’t do more than the ones you did.
32. Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them.
33. Remember no one makes it alone. Have a grateful heart and be quick to acknowledge those who helped you.
34. Take charge of your attitude. Don’t let someone else choose it for you.
35. Visit friends and relatives when they are in hospital; you need only stay a few minutes.
36. Begin each day with some of your favourite music.
37. Once in a while, take the scenic route.
38. Send a lot of Valentine cards. Sign them, ‘Someone who thinks you’re terrific.’
39. Answer the phone with enthusiasm and energy in your voice.
40. Keep a note pad and pencil on your bed-side table. Million-dollar ideas sometimes strike at 3 a.m.
41. Show respect for everyone who works for a living, regardless of how trivial their job.
42. Send your loved ones flowers. Think of a reason later.
43. Make someone’s day by paying the toll for the person in the car behind you.
44. Become someone’s hero.
45. Marry only for love.
46. Count your blessings.
47. Compliment the meal when you’re a guest in someone’s home.
48. Wave at the children on a school bus.
49. Remember that 80 per cent of the success in any job is based on your ability to deal with people.
50. Don’t expect life to be fair

Source: Pat Divilly

 

2016

Today we celebrate the first day of 2016; A new day; a new dawn; a new beginning; a new life.

My life journey so far has been very interesting and met many challenges and some times so unexpected that I cannot see ahead of me.

Today, as I am in 2016, I want to welcome the unexpected year and live it fruitfully, meaningfully and powerfully.

So much has happened in 2015.  I have been pushed out of my rocking chair and to step forward to an exciting new year which I am destined for.

This year, I am changing lives, making a difference in my own life as well.  I am sharing experiences, touching hearts, spreading laughter, reaching out; making my own dreams a reality.

I thank all my mentors, teachers, friends, family members who have extended their hands to me. You mean so much to me……………. 

 

Have a fantabulous journey in 2016 !

Lessons from my parents today

Watching my father and mother in front of me during meals today made me recall how young they were.  It is unbelievable how much they have aged physically and mentally.

My father, now in his mid to late 80’s is not in a good mood today.  He grumbled and insisted we turn off the stove although we kept telling him we want to steam some food for him.  It is frustrating when he forgets despite explaining to him numerous times.  Finally, turned off the stove and he kept quiet.

Then came meal time, he wanted something which we told him that he can have something else instead.  He got angry and refused whatever we wanted to give him.  It has made me realise how fragile our brain becomes as we age.

My sister and I love to tease him because today he  was like a 5 year old and he keept asking the same question over and over again.  We do admit we do lose our patience when we forget that he is at the age where he forgets. 

Most days, he is fine and there are days he would fight us and said we bully him when  we tell him to stop  scratching himself (he scratched till he bled or skin would peel). He would get angry and told us to stop  ‘controlling’ him.  He is someone who used to laugh, play pranks and a very simple man. Now he has become that no-nonsense and serious man unless during his good days when he will joke.  At time when we play the same prank on him, he would get angry.  He is really teaching us patience and also what growing old is all about.

My mother on the other hand, is still tough and independent although physically she is weak.  She no longer can stand for long so she cannot cook anymore.  She is helping to care for my dad with his medicine and supervising him  when we are working.   Mom was the never sick in a day before, so seeing her suddenly weak was hard to bear.  She is in her 80’s too.  Dad was the sick one when he was younger but now it is just the opposite. Physically, he is healthy in a certain sense. Years back, mom took care of everything and made sure we had food on the table no matter what. Now it is our turn.

It was a joy today that we can go for mass for Christmas and have a meal together.  I enjoyed cutting  their chicken chop to small pieces and treating them with coffee and cake after that.  My sister kept teasing  both of them and our laughter filled the café. 

I thank God I can take care of them and each day God has heard our prayer to let us care for their needs. That they live a quality life as long as possible.

Merry Christmas pa and ma.  May you stay healthy and we love you very much.

Thank you for letting us take care of you and staying in our lives each day and teaching us to love you.

It means caring for one another in our families: husbands and wives first protect one another, and then, as parents, they care for their children, and children themselves, in time, protect their parents. –Pope Francis

The Joy of Laughter

Imagine yourself having a hearty laugh for no reason.  You just suddenly burst out laughing while driving.  Can you feel the joy and feel good after that hearty laugh?

That’s what I did in the morning while waiting for the traffic lights to turn green.  I consciously put myself in the laughing mode.  Of course,  vehicles both on my right and left  ‘peeped’ to see what was going on.  I turned and smiled and waved at them.  I made them smile too… That was awesome.

Guess what!  Eversince, after Yoga Laughter, I got back my inner child who is happy, joyful and loves laughter.  I can have fun every day and I have no qualms to feel happy and laugh quietly too.  That’s the best experience; to laugh silently. 

Laughter need not have a purpose or reason; I can just decide to laugh. Faking laughter gives me the same health benefits as the mind cannot differentiate between real and fake laughter.  It is CONTAGIOUS!!!!

Well, easier said than done, you think.  Yep…. That’s what I thought too…  Adding to that, I thought, “Are you crazy! I was told not to laugh so loud as it is embarrassing.”

Ya….Ya…. some might think… “Are you out of your mind?” or “Behave yourself!” or “What’s there to laugh about?” – That’s exactly it..  How many times do we actually laugh in a day to be healthy and to have healthy chemicals run in our body and also have oxygen to our brain.

It was said that children laugh at least 300 times a day.  That was me when I was a child and yet as adult we have lost the capability to laugh as much because  of I don’t know for what reason.

It de-stress us when we laugh.  Go on …. Go back in time when you remember you had such a good laugh, you felt so much better.  

I hold on to a memory of an elderly gentleman who came up to me and said, “Hearing you laugh makes me happy and my tiredness is gone, thank you.”  Now that is really making a difference in someone’s life with my hearty and happy laughter.

That’s right!  LAUGH AND LAUGH to BETTER HEALTH!

HAVE A HO-HO-HO-HO-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA CHRISTMAS

AND

LAUGH YOUR WAY TO A HEALTHY AND GREAT 2016 EVERYONE!

Honour Thy Father and Thy Mother

I have been absent for a long while now.   This morning, I sat myself down  and quickly pen this down to share my thoughts and feelings with you before I do my other chores.

I love watching CSI’s series. 

Today, a scene in CSI NY  (sorry turned the episode on halfway so did not know the title),  was about one of the CSI staff visiting his aged father in a home.  He wanted his father to remember how abusive he was towards him and kept pushing his father to remember.  He wanted his father to apologise to him and feel  the guilt.  He wanted his father to feel his own anger  of being an abused son.  Unfortunately, his aged father cannot remember.  He was so angry and hurt that his father cannot feel what he wanted him to feel.

Towards the end of the series, his superior spoke with him.  He shared to his superior  how much he wanted his father to feel his pain of being an abused son.  Throughout the conversation with his superior,  what he really wanted was to have his father back; the moment as a young boy whom his dad would take him to the record store to buy records.   He wanted to hurt his father but yet wanted to forgive him but couldn’t.  He wanted to release the pain he was carrying.  His superior said this “you wanted to remember him as a good dad.  You carrying the baggage will make it harder for you to accept him. He is also a victim.”

In the last scene, he reminisces his happy days by sharing a record he loved (his father’s collection with his girlfriend who told him that she is there to journey with him.

I enjoy CSI for many reasons.  There are so many lessons one can learn.  I love lessons like what I have watched today.

My own aged father can be annoying because of his stubbornness.  He argues with all of us even when he cannot remember that he did something but denied it.  He was not always there for me growing up and in certain ways, I felt what that actor felt in the moment.  It is  true for me, that I wish I had the father who would dote on me when I was 4 years old.  He would take me around on his bike and spend so much time with me when he could.  He was not abusive but avoid confrontation when there was any at home. 

On the other hand, I see him a fragile man getting older by the day and living his 2^nd childhood except that physically he is an adult.  I am thankful today, I am reminded that my father was also a victim of circumstances and he did his best he knew how then.  He was who he was.

I am thankful he is still around and able to be with me and for me to care for  him together with my aged mum too.  I will do my best to provide and care for them with God’s grace. Yes, I have to sacrifice certain freedom and also postpone things I want to do for myself.  I know God has better plans for me and I trust Him to live my life.

4^th Commandment –  Honour your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.

— Exodus 20:12 

PAPA

I want to scream to tell my father how  much I love him that I want him to get well.  It is so challenging to tend to an aged man whose mind is almost like a little child.

 He fights when we tend his wounds, tell him to stop scratching so that his wounds don’t break out.   He loves spicy food and that was one of the things he has to stop.  That is when tantrums come in.

 Consciously, I am telling me that I have an old man who has a mind of a child and that I should love him like a would love a child.  Yet it is difficult because he fights back saying that we treat him without respect.  He has his good moments and bad moments.

 Yet, we love his happy personality and playful self when he is fine.  When he is angry, he drives us all up the wall with his words and threats.

 Papa, we love you and want to care for you.  We also understand it is tough for you too because we know that you are afraid when you know you cannot remember and you have no control over your memory.

 It is our duty as children to care for you now and I  will grit my teeth and remember that no matter what you are here with us and that it is our honour to love and care for you.

 Papa, we love you and we will do our best to care for you.

 God bless you for being here to teach us patience, honour, dignity, and how growing old would be like for us.

Thank you mama for supporting for your patience and guidance and understanding. Despite your own frail health, you still cared and made sure papa does what he needs to do daily to care for himself.  It is tough on you too when he fights with you and ‘war’ breaks out.  We love you both very much and we are proud we can care for both of you on our own.

 

A Fruitful Day

Today has been a very productive and fulfilling day. Not only have I filled my tummy with delicious local fare but also filled my spirit with positivity.

It is a challenge to plan to meet up with friends or go places or just to have fun because every weekend is filled with tasks, errands, calls for assistance, etc.  I have put aside many things I want to do for myself.    I also feel guilty when I do not stay home to spend time or even be there physically for my aged parents every weekend.  Almost every Saturday and Sunday is filled with activities outside.

I finally decided to take my shoes to my shoemaker in the city for repairs.  At the same time, meet up with a good friend to visit and also go on a food spree.  Talk about killing more than 2 birds with one stone.   With half the day to spend, I could say that those hours were fulfilling and filled with motivation.

It was important for me to have at least one motivation or to make a difference to someone or even learn something from someone. I had all of them today.

When I went to my shoe maker, she was wearing a face mask and a cap and I knew what she was going through.  We chatted about her condition and she is still going through chemotherapy.  She is optimistic and living as every other day.  I pray she would recover and need not go through the series of chemo.

Then I met a wonderful 73 year old widow, Cynthia (I wrote about her in my Facebook page),  who was cleaning tables making sure walk in customers have clean tables to enjoy their meals.  She would greet everyone and smile.  I greeted her and got to know her .  She really inspired me with her pleasant and cheerful personality.  She has good work ethics and she enjoyed what she was doing.  Walking around, making sure all the tables were clean and trays put away, despite having rheumatoid arthritis.  She continued to work because she wanted to keep herself busy.  She lost her husband a year ago.  She has 3 sons and 5  grandchildren (I believe).  All doing very well.  She did not want to trouble them and wanted to be independent.

She told me to keep smiling because I bring sunlight to people who see me smile.  I think that was so beautiful.  A stranger who gave me ‘silver boxes’ like that.  This affirmation made a difference to me.  It has been a long time, since someone said that to me; or I have not been smiling that much.

Then meeting up with my good friend and going on an eating spree was something I have not done for a while.  It was fun.  We had small portions of many different types of food where she lived.  It was fun.  The roasted duck, meatball soup, braised pork, coffee from another state, shaved ice with fruits, watercress in sugar water….

Wanted to have our King of all fruits – Durian, to end our spree but we could not find any.

We stopped by a little truck selling roasted pork and had a good chat with the boss.  He is young and handsome.  Jeremy is his name.  He said that when he has extras and bits and pieces,  he would give away to homes. It was good and my friend gave her number to him so that he can call (hopefully) to give her so that she can share them with poor communities that she knows. What a great day to meet like-minded people.

It was truly a day of pure fun and hanging out with good company.

Dinner was done for the day with so much calories during lunch.  Still I took my parents out for  dinner and hang with them

Overall, today was a good day and I can remember what I did. Usually I would run around like crazy and forget what I had done for the day.  There is so much to tell about today but my brain can only remind me so much for now.  Tired I guess!

Thank God for an inspiring and fun day!  How was yours?

It’s been a while

It’s been a while since I wrote.

I have been silent, trying to listen to my spirit.

Much has happened joy and tears.

Wanting to give but found emptiness of soul.

Now, the desert is slowly being filled,

with trickles of inspiration, warmth and hope.

Hope and gratitude are constant reminders

when moments filled with cloudy skies and gloomy faces

Eyes now shine and smiles are breaking.

Here I am again….. learning to live as if it is only for today…

GONG XI FA CAI

 (Credits: sheep made by Nicole Chan)

 

May the Lunar Year of the Goat (sheep, ram, did I miss anyone?  :P)  ram all the negativities and bad omens out of our lives to allow the  Blessings and Prosperity into our lives.

 

HAVE A PROPEROUS AND HEALTHY LUNAR NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!!

My Father’s simple advice

After work I  stopped by  my regular mamak (Indian Muslim) shop to buy their favourite roti pratha and the Tarik.  The roti canai man asked me “Where is Tata and Pati?” “Why so long, don’t come?”

“They are at home and I am here to ‘ta pau’ (pack) for them.”  Immediately, he prepared my orders.  The Teh Tarik man also  asked, “Tata and Pati want teh tarik?” and I nodded. He replied “Ok”

It was heartwarming every time I hear strangers,  waiters and food vendors call my parents, ‘Tata, Pati’ or Atok, Nenek or even Kong Kong, Poh Poh…..

My family have always been blessed with good friendships and relationships with strangers who would be there in our times of need.  These are the blessings of which my father always taught us since young, that “No matter what people do to us, we must always be good.  It is because we will receive the blessings when the time comes.”  He is right.  Even at 85, he still holds fast to his philosophy of always treat people good even when they treat us otherwise.

My father does not hold grudges.  He gets angry for a while and then he forgives and forgets, literally.

When we were poor and had very little, he would always say we are grateful we have a roof and some food on the table. A man with simple needs and simple demands in life.   I have never heard him complained about not having enough.  To him, what he had in front of him was suffice.  He was also one of those who did not like quarrels and fights at home.  He always would leave the house when my mother wanted to punish me and that was one of the things I used to resent him for.  He was not there to support and help me.

He was away for 4 years when I was only 6 years old. I had a hard time coping without a father.  However, mum and I would travel by bus or train to visit him in the North part of the country during the holidays.  I would write him letters every day since I was 7 years old and that got me interested in letter writing until the keyboard got me lazy to write (ha…ha…ha…).

He would open his door to help anyone in need.  I remembered him helping the community he was living with by building a playground for the children there.  He was a strong and keen in building things.  I think he got some friends to help him.  I only remember certain things he did there.

To him, hurting people hurt ourselves and God is always watching what we do.   He never asked for recognition nor fame.  He would shy away when people complimented him. He would say,”Oh.. we must help one another.”

I give tribute to my father today by writing this to appreciate him and to remember the simple philosophy he has.  It is a tough act to follow even for me.  Pa,thank you for being my father. I love you and I am glad I can take care of you at this age.

You believe you are strong till today because God is watching over you and every thing is planned by Him.  Even at this age, you still hold on to being good and be trusting. “Always do good and have a clean heart.”  That is your simple advice.